Hey. Hi. Hello. My hair is pink now.
It was just time for a change.
Wanting to dye my hair pink
I’ve been wanting to dye my hair pink for a long time now and I finally decided to go for it. Why the hold up? I was afraid it may be too edgy and give people the wrong idea about me, afraid that my family would give me shit, afraid Austin (my husband) might not like it…
You get the picture.
Wondering who the hell I am
But what about what I like? Lately, I haven’t been so sure of what I like anymore. I’ve felt a bit lost, confused, and depressed. I even found myself wondering who the hell I am.
I took some time away from social media to reflect on all of this and ask myself a very important question: what’s actually going to make Rachel happy? Because the current situation just wasn’t doin’ it for me.
Fashion and makeup used to be my creative outlet – a way for me to express myself. That’s why I started my blog in the first place!
And then… it all started to feel like an exhausting chore. It became less about art and expression and more about likes, looking as perfect as possible, and keeping up with what everyone else in the industry was doing.
Living for Instagram rather than living for myself
I found myself living for Instagram rather than living for myself. I lost sight of the things that are truly most important in life and/or the things that I actually value most. I lost sight of the point of it all: to help, inspire, and connect with all of you.
For the most part, I’ve always thought of myself as someone who knows what they want. A quick decision maker. A go-getter. Someone strong and unique. Fearless.
Filtering the way I talk
And yet… I’ve allowed myself to be so overcome by fear that I’ve listened to all of the noise around me instead of listening to myself. Rather than being 100% who I am, I’ve tried really really hard to be the person that I thought everyone wanted me to be, wear the clothes I thought other people would like, even going so far as filtering the way I talk.
And that is the exact opposite of the message I actually want to promote.
Living in the present
These past couple of weeks I’ve focused on living in the present, taking care of myself, and getting back on track with my health and fitness goals. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I want to move forward, and that means making my own decisions and doing what’s best for me even if it isn’t always instaworthy. That might result in a few changes – but I’m just taking things one day at a time.
Photos by Divina Stennfeld